Jesus christ, that's a pretty face. The kind you'd find on someone I could save. If they don't put me away, well, it'll be a miracle.
Do you believe you're missing out? that everything good is happening somewhere else? but with nobody in your bed, the nights hard to get through.
I submerge myself into a hot bath, the steam shallows my breathing and my skin tingles as the water scolds my body. My hair slowly drowns below the surface of the bubbles. I take a few gulps of vodka and I close my eyes. The alcohol begins to drum against my brain as it creeps to the tips of my fingers.
There are certain people I love, I would not fault them, but sometimes all I want is understanding.
Brand New echo through my bathroom. Jesse Lacey sings straight into my head full of scribbles. He slowly detangles a few thoughts and lets them run free.
I can't pinpoint what it is about Jesse or the band that make Brand New just so special. There are a sparse amount of bands that I can replay and replay...and replay again. Right now, they let me feel slightly more comfortable to be in my own skin, slightly less scared to be in this situation and ever so slightly happy. Boy I haven't heard that word in a while.
I begin to think about what has happened over the past few weeks. People I have befriended, dumped and rejected, the downward turmoil, running away, police, paramedics, the fear, the waves, the cold rain on my face. It all comes back to me in a montage of snapshots. I wish I knew what to feel, what to think, what to do. I wish I had it all figured out. It has been a long time since I felt this way and it has been even longer since something like this has happened. I can't identify the edge anymore and I'm bloated with self doubt.
So after new episodes and repercussions, I am now in recovery mode. Which consists of thinking, nightmares, retail therapy, junk food, family, learning who my real friends are, new hair cut, new clothes, new tattoo, cigarettes, beer and lots and lots and lots of music. It isn't an easy game to play.