Dear Hannah # 23. Hide and Seek
Dear Hannah. a letter to my 13 year old self.
So much has happened over the last 10 years. There are so many more highs and lows coming your way. Get ready. Here is some wisdom and a fortune I wish I had received.
Things are going to get more crazy than ever, and it is going to be incredibly difficult, but it is going to be a journey, a story. I am 10 years ahead and I am still looking for answers, finding the same fears and to be brutally honest, fucking everything up. It is going to be topsy turvy, a magnificent roller coaster.
Listen, carefully. The ability to listen has always been and will be one of your finest qualities. Don't forget to listen to what people tell you when they open up their hearts, to every riff, chord and lyric in music, listen to the birds and the crashing waves. Look, carefully. Look further and deeper. You are observant, personable, and imaginative. In all those details you will find a connection, your dreams, hopes, ideas, curiosity and a bit of peace.
Don't let small minds and simple people change you or plant doubts in your head. You have great taste. Your clothes (the trends so far have included tomboy, emo, topshop babe, alternative and a mix of them all) your interests (music, animals, writing, reading, art, fashion, outdoor adventures and films - yes, they are all the same) Your individuality already exists, so don't be pressured to force it upon other people and make statements. Just be yourself.
You have an admirable expansive taste in music. Keep it all and cherish it. You are going to discover some amazing new bands. There are lots of happy moments to come because of music.
Your music library is your sanctuary, turn to it when things get fucked up, good or bad. You can also rely on your diary and your sketchbook. Don't turn to alcohol drugs and sex. It only gets messy that way, every time. Just keep listening to music. It will get you through everything. I promise.
The wonderlust gets stronger. The cage you are trapped in will open and you will fly away, one day.
Stop getting so upset when mum and dad stop you from getting piercings, tattoos, outrageous hair styles, cigarettes and whatever you bloody want. You will want to get all sorts of body modifications that you would regret. When you are 18 you will move out and gain more independence. You will have the ability to do whatever you like to your body but with integrity and meaning. There are piercings, tattoos, hair dye and lots of cigarettes to look forward to.
It doesn't matter that you don't know what you want to 'do' for a career. As long as you can do what makes you happy, whether it earns money or not, your life will be fulfilled. School is going to become extremely tedious, you're right by the way, it is a waste of time. Just try and enjoy the lack of responsibilities you have. Having a 9 - 5 style job isn't as tedious but it is brain numbing.
Your family are amazing, good people. Spend more time with them and appreciate their countless attempts to understand you. They are going to help the most and take you to amazing places. Some of your closest friends will become strangers but your family will never leave you behind. Jessica, most of all, is your best-est friend (stop denying it) She is going to be across the world from you one day and you will regret missing those chances to spend more time with her. You need each other more than you will ever know.
Friendships and relationships will come and go. You will learn not to trust easily, your heart will get broken and betrayed. It hurts but try and focus on the promise of a new day and the new people who will give you so much more than the ones you leave behind. You are going to have the privilege of love. It's all very special, you will see.
The strange electricity in your head is going to expand, explode and regenerate. I'm still trying to figure it out. Just don't let it destroy who you are.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
From Hannah. 23 years old.