Baby if you could would you go back to the start? Take any fresh steps or watch it all fall apart, again?
Dear pre-pregnancy Hannah,
4 months. That's the first hurdle done, the first trimester succeeded and our journey has begun.
Play another song here, then you can leave. With your delicate wings, I used to weave. Maybe there's an undertow here or maybe this is stuck up in the air, I know how it looks but all that glitters ain't gold
The first scan was amazing. It was one of the most special moments of your entire life. You see your little baby so clearly, and you hear it's little heart. It beats so fast and so strong.
You gave me magical, I gave you wonderful. Cut that invisible cord or I'll starve you of what's understandable.
Physically you and baby are doing great. You have a bigger bump, bum and boobs every day. Maternity jeans are a con, don't bother wasting your money on them. Dungarees are actually the maternity-wardrobe saviour.
You love sweet things, caramel in your coffees, caramel biscuits, cookies, doughnuts, strawberry ice cream, chocolate, fruit teas etc. I guess not much has changed, but the cravings gets pretty intense.
A couple of lessons to learn for pregnancy: Nothing will be how you think it will be. The people you are sure will be there for you, won't be and the real friends of yours will step up. You'll learn that you don't need to be related to someone to depend on them, more than the people you are actually related to. Family will be difficult. Either they're just not there or they're a pain in the ass and you wish they weren't there.
Let's make immeasurable moves to the left or the right but not central
The beautiful news you release to the public, in the hopes that you'll just receive rose tinted responses, will not only receive praise from people you never expected, but also cutting remarks that will singe your heart a little.
It could have been a wonderful year, instead we might not make it to the end. Everybody cares, but nobody knows.
Which brings me onto the next lesson to learn: you don't only need to let your body grow into a funny shape and size, you also need to grow a thick skin. The hormones make you extra sensitive, and extra emotional. That doesn't mean you won't only react a little irrationally to the RSPCA advert you've just blubbed to, but you'll also feel 10 times worse than you normally would when things go wrong, shitty people are shit, you get let down and life gives you tonnes of lemons. You feel your heart shatter more than your first broken heart and it feels like the end of the world.
Baby how can you walk away
Thankfully you have a little star in your tummy to remind you that it's all worth it and there is something to fight for, end of the world or not. Mother lion will live to see another day.
Baby if you could would you go back to the start? Take any fresh steps or watch it all fall apart, again?
You and M are really looking forward to finding out whether our baby is a girl or boy now, and we're busy organising our house purchase (oh yeah, you've bought a house...!) and the baby shower (that Pinterest board you're creating is becoming very useful). We're taking everyday as it comes, and learning more along the way.
Stay strong, stay crazy and keep your heart full of love, you'll need it.